


Hopeless Wanderer

by VirginiasWolf



Series: Life Moves On [1]
Category: Death in Paradise
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 15:38:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20260465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VirginiasWolf/pseuds/VirginiasWolf
Summary: Camille had been so happy to have Richard back that she hadn't considered the depths of darkness a man in his situation would fall to. Over the course of one evening her eyes are opened, but will this bring them closer or tear him away from her again forever?The first installment of the "Life Moves On" series.





	Hopeless Wanderer

Tonight they're having dinner away from the rest of the team, in Richard's hotel room. Not because Camille expects things to go a certain way, although she certainly won't complain if they do, but because she just needs the man to herself so that she can confirm he is indeed real.

  
Richard seems more relaxed to just be alone with her as well. That sweet boyish smile that she so utterly adores has made an appearance, and if not for the window view of the Eiffel Tower, it would almost feel like they were again just Richard Poole and Camille Bordey enjoying each other's company after solving the latest murder committed on Saint Marie.

  
Impulsively, she grabs his hand across the table, feeling as if she needs to touch his skin to remind herself that she does indeed have him back with her. Surprisingly, Richard flinches and attempts to pull away and she wonders if he is perhaps embarrassed by the sudden almost romantic aura. That is until her fingers travel upwards to stroke his pulse point in an attempt to calm him down. Instead of smooth skin, her fingers brush over the jagged edges of a scar on the area that is normally covered by his watch.

  
Questioningly, she looks up, hoping to meet his eyes, but he quickly diverts his gaze. Not before she has a chance to notice the shame in them though.

  
At this, she feels her own eyes begin to well up with tears. She already knows that this scar wasn't there when they'd worked together on Saint Marie. Although she had assumed that everything, since they'd last been together, had been hard on him, she would never have guessed that he would have taken this pain out on himself.

  
She doesn't intend to pry into what are incredibly personal matters, but this is Richard. Her friend. The man she already knows that she's still hopelessly in love with, so she manages to croak out a question. "Why?"

  
"I-I don't really know. The first time I took a bunch of pills and drank an entire bottle of wine, but then I lost my nerve and called your friend Charles to have him take me to the hospital."

  
It hadn't initially occurred to Camille that the scar had been the result of an actual suicide attempt. Self-harm was horrible enough, but the thought that Richard had actually intended to take his own life is far worse. For the briefest of seconds, she's relieved that he presumably chickened out the second time as well, but the relief is quickly overshadowed by other emotions; fear, anger, and disgust. Fear because of exactly how close she'd come to losing him again before she'd even been aware that there was actually a possibility of getting him back. Anger at herself for being able to live a reasonably normal life while he was in so much agony, and disgust not at Richard, but at Charles.

  
Charles, who she was suddenly aware had actually made a joke to her about Richard's suicide attempts. At the time she hadn't been aware that this was what the offhanded comment of, "Don't get used to having him around Camille, who knows how long he'll be here" had meant. She'd assumed it had been his way of saying that he was a little bit jealous of the feelings she clearly had for Richard and teasing about how he'd get him transferred to a different unit; a reasonable enough conclusion since she hadn't known the depths Richard had sunk to, and she had shared a fling with Charles during their training days.

  
The boiling of emotions is so strong, that she actually feels herself about to lose her dinner and only has time to reach for the champagne bucket before everything comes out.  
By the time she's stopped her heaving, Richard has gotten up and gone to look out the window. "I should probably go now."

  
He must have read the disgust that propelled her actions as being directed towards him. Otherwise, why would he be insistent on leaving his own hotel room? She's determined to correct his assumption though, and not to let him out of her sight tonight. Not with the mental state she can suddenly tell he's slipped back into. "This is your room!"

  
"It's not like I'll need it for much longer anyway. You're clearly so disgusted by my actions that I'm sure you'll be much better off having to never see me again," he snarls turning back to face her.

  
She doesn't want to unload on him right now, but she has a feeling that if she doesn't reveal the real reason she was disgusted to the point of nausea he'll never believe that it isn't because of him. "You're right Richard, I am disgusted, but not by you. I'm disgusted by Charles."

  
"By Charles?" Richard freezes in place and blinks in confusion. This is a good start. The confusion can help diffuse the other, more horrible emotions in him.

  
"Yes, by Charles," Camille speaks softly, trying to keep a soothing tone despite what she has to say. "He made a joke to me about your suicide attempts. At the time I didn't realize that was what he meant, or I never would have allowed him to talk like that. I love you Richard, and I'll do whatever it takes to keep from losing you again."

  
"Oh." It's not exactly the most eloquent of comments, but right now Camille doesn't care and is genuinely relieved when she reaches Richard and is able to hold him in her arms. By now he seems to be shaking so badly that he can barely stand, and it's no small miracle that Camille manages to manouever them both over to the bed where Richard immediately collapses into her chest.

  
They both start crying almost immediately, and as Camille holds him she can't help but feel that his tears aren't just for the events of the past year, but for everything in his life from being bullied in prep school, to Doug Anderson's alienation. Eventually, the tears wear down both of them, and they fall asleep curled into each other while still fully clothed.

  
Camille awakens for no particular reason in the early hours of the morning and is relieved to find that Richard is still curled up against her, breathing softly. The past several hours have been an immense strain, and she knows the recovery process for both of them will be far from easy, but at least now they're on the right road, and more importantly, they're together.

**Author's Note:**

> As much as I hate putting our dear Richard through such strain, imagining that he is still alive and thriving as of 2019, and was reunited with Camille when she left for Paris, does mean having to account for a time period where he was probably alone and frightened in a foreign country after being separated from the one place he'd finally felt like he belonged. It's not hard to imagine him sinking to such depths in that situation or that Camille would feel guilty upon learning about said depths even though she would have had no way to know that he was suffering.


End file.
